MASCOT MAYHEM

Does this mean I can no longer razz the Holy Cross Crusader by yelling "you are the representative of an unjust war of attrition"? Maybe I need a new taunt anyway, since that one is too long.

Here are some general guidelines for audience participation in Patriot League play. Yes, now that you mention it, I am pretty desperate for content right now.

1) "Bullshit" and "Nuts and bolts, nuts and bolts, we got screwed" are timeless classics, but you've been using those since high school and you really ought to move on. Especially since there are kids in the audience and I certainly don't want to explain bovine feces and how it relates to the poor refereeing to them. I prefer something like the "You touch too much" chant the AU kids have taken up.
2) Do your research and plan ahead. It's helpful to know a player's background, and to gently suggest that it sucks. You could taunt Chris McNaughton for his country's poor showing in the first world war, or figure out what the German word for "brick" is and add it to your vocabulary.
3) Keep it short and sweet. Anything over 4 words is too long. "Go Home Hippie" works if Kyle Roemer grows his hair back, but "Hey Kyle, you look like that guy in Phish" is too long.
4) It is obligatory to harrass any player wearing a t-shirt under their jersey. Only Patrick Ewing can do this, and anyone else attempting to do so must be related to Patrick Ewing.
5) Please, please, please lay off on the toothpaste jokes with Colgate. Not funny.
6) The word "lollygag" is humorous in all contexts. Use extensively.
7) Don't try to start the wave. That's a tip that's valid for every athletic contest other than soccer.
8) Remember that you're a fan, not a participant. Keep in perspective that most of these guys bust their asses to play college sports. With that said, calling short guys "oompa loompa" and suggesting that short guys with muscles should be wrestling is permitted. Also referring to any participant with effeminent features as "Susan" is allowed.

In keeping with the theme, here are my scientific rankings of best crowds in the PL. This is scientific because it is based on my visits to these schools combined with baseless innuendo.

1. Lafayette. They draw better than everyone, and travel well. Zoo crew of 90's not as prominent as today, but still decent.
2. Holy Cross. Cool tiny gym, hotter than hell, lots of noise when they are winning. Negative points for silly looking mascot.
3. AU. Not the best fans, but the meanest and most willing to go after guys. They started an "overrated" chant on Wooden Award Nominee Taylor Coppenrath about two minutes into the AU/Vermont contest.
4. Navy. What an arena! Too bad it makes it look half full when 3,000 people show up. Fans are courteous, Navy students are far from it. However, they are able to stay excited even when they suck.
5. Bucknell. Nice arena, no one seems to be there though.
6. Army. Any fans that still go to see this team deserve credit.
7. Lehigh. Couldn't sell out 4,000 seats for a championship game. Embarassing. Couldn't give two bits about hoops, too distracted by wrestling and football. Only hoops fans are nerdy white engineering dudes. Very scary.
8. Colgate. 300 per game at a school that has great attendance for Hockey and Football. Also, the local bar wouldn't serve me without two forms of ID so I am adjusting their position accordingly.  @ 10:45 AM